just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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