he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
