He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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