I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
