shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
