Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
