On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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