GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
