Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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