found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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