we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
