I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize