I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
