i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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