Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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