I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
