i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
