So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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