OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
