Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
