drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
