I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
