dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had to cum in my sink.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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