I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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