Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
