I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
