addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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