Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Having a random hookup so left but love u
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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