Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
