So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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