I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
