Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
