Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
