I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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