how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found the puke drawer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!