At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...