no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single