I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.