I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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