operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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