you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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