I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
