once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
