He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
