I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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