I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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