I wish my penis had an off switch
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
