She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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