No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
