Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
