cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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