the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
