They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
