I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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