Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
