I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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