Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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