oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
