You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
