I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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