I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
