I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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