dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
