Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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