i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
