There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
