bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
