How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm always down for nudity.
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