Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
