I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
