Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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