i was born a porn star she said
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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