Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
