Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
