I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
