i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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