We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
birth control should be required to get into college
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
