i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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